State of the Children

As much as all of you--both of you that are left anyway--tune in to hear my semi-annual rants on childhood cancer awareness and the need for funding, I recognize that this blog is fundamentally about Andrew and keeping you informed on his life. Moreover, given the unexpected impact of Andrew's treatment on his sister, this blog can't help but incorporate her journey as well.

This month marks three years from the end of active treatment of Andrew's disease. We have now traveled almost five years from his diagnosis and four-and-a-half years from when we first heard the phrase, No Evidence of Disease. This was confirmed for us again this past week, as Andrew underwent his twice-a-year scans and came out clean. We are truly blessed. Next appointment: June, 2013.

It's an odd thing to have a mechanism like this--a blog for disseminating information--founded, as it was, amidst the chaos of a cancer diagnosis. On some level, it insists on always coming back to that topic, that initial reference point, even when you feel like you're ready to move past it. That's OK, I guess; I don't suppose we'll ever really escape it. But, it is important to state clearly that Andrew is a kid who had cancer, but he is by no means a kid who is defined by cancer. Frankly, he remembers very little of it. And, if I am being honest, that statement was more for me--for us--than it was for you....

So, without further ado, allow me to update you on Andrew and his sister today:

We have on our hands a Second Grader and a Fourth Grader. We just received their first report cards of the year and we can proudly say that they are each in his or her respective pocket. We don't appear to have any budding, young Stephen Hawkings on our hands, but nor are we struggling with children with Spam between their ears either. Except when they're ignoring us. From a learning standpoint, the most significant bonus we have received so far is the fact that Andrew's hearing escaped treatment reasonably intact. More generally, though, both Andrew and Lucia seem to have genuine enthusiasm for school. They enjoy it there and look forward to going. They have made good friends and are surrounded by bright and energetic young people, so this is all we can ask for. Lucia is playing cello and singing in the choir. She has also been invited onto a junior math team, which challenges her, but she seems to find rewarding. Andrew is not playing anything yet, but will start an instrument next year. He has been known to sing in the shower though.

Both kids played soccer this fall. Watching him play, Andrew is clearly not as fast as the other kids. And he prefers to be very near the action without actually having to touch the ball. Still, when it got down to it, he did step up and make some key plays this season, so that was encouraging to see. Lucia, on the other hand, is quick...but only when she wants to be. It's funny, if she is playing tag and someone is chasing her, she runs so fast; however, when she is running on a soccer field, she can be fast, but only if she's in the mood. And she has decent soccer skills...when she chooses to use them. It did seem that, as the season progressed, she did commit during the games and tried more and more, so her final games of the season were much more enjoyable to watch than the initial ones. It will be interesting to see if they sign up for soccer next year and, if so, how they come at it.

One rule of our house is that they must participate in a sport at all times. This winter, Lucia is going to try her hand at basketball. This is largely because all of her friends are signed up and much, much less about her commanding height. It could be a difficult winter.... Andrew opted not to sign up for basketball or football or winter soccer or anything and so, defaults to our standby: Tennis. Which he loathes. Yes, it is going to be a difficult winter. Spring will bring baseball for him, which he always looks forward to.

And both kids have been learning to ski. As with any new activity, when offered the chance to ski, Lucia embraced the idea and was eager to try. Andrew threw a tantrum and stated in no uncertain terms that he would NEVER ski. Five ski trips into it and this is still the standard reaction and routine. They are dependable that way. In any case and for various reasons, there is much skiing ahead for us, so I fervently hope that he relents sooner rather than later. But I know him well enough not to hold my breath....

Meanwhile, away from school and sports, Lucia has discovered reality cooking shows and is fairly obsessed with Chopped!, The Next Iron Chef, Revenge of the Iron Chef, Extreme Chef, Ultimate Chef, Kick-A** Chef, etc. It is all cooking competition all the time. She eats it up (sorry, I couldn't resist). Andrew has developed what is probably an unhealthy obsession with NFL football. Don't get me wrong, I love professional football and will certainly be blamed as the origin of his interest, but he is sucked in pretty hard at the moment and has startled even me with his Rain Man-esque stat expertise.

So, we are now at Christmas' doorstep. It's days away. The tree is up. The decorations and lights are out. Presents are slowly accumulating under the tree. And so are nosy, no-good, snooping, meddlesome critters. They sift through the packages. They sort them into piles. They poke, shake, sniff, caress and clutch. And they brazenly announce what's in every box. And they're usually right, which is all the more frustrating. Moreover, we're on the Christmas bubble already: We're fairly certain that the Santa Claus secret is out with Lucia, though she hasn't outright declared it. Meanwhile, she has probably told Andrew--if for no other reason than to strip him of that dream--but he has not let on that he is in the loop, probably just as a precaution to try to squeeze as much out of his Christmas list as possible. They're definitely savvier than I give them credit for....

Still, sitting on the edge of something like this and knowing that it's coming--if not already here--makes me a bit sad: The illusion of Santa Claus will be a profound and disappointing loss, if only because of its greater implications. I have found myself thinking lately about the inherent paradox of parenting: I have lost count of the number of times in the last couple of years that I have told my kids to "behave," "act their age," "show some maturity...." In short, the message that I have been channeling to my kids: Grow up. Yet, here they are doing just that and I realize that I shouldn't be in any kind of hurry to have them do that at all, because it's all moving so fast anyway that it will be over before I know it. And I will miss it and regret prodding it along. So, that is my A-Ha(rry Chapin) moment for the holidays.

Last, but not least, I find myself obsessed this year with "Carol of the Bells." It's as though I'm trapped in an Andre Champagne commercial. But, in all seriousness, it is an undeniably fantastic and powerful song:

Hark! how the bells
sweet silver bells
All seem to say
throw cares away.

Christmas is here
bringing good cheer
To young and old
meek and the bold

Ding, dong, ding, dong
that is their song,
With joyful ring
all caroling

One seems to hear
words of good cheer
From everywhere
filling the air

O, how they pound
raising the sound
Oer hill and dale
telling their tale

Gaily they ring
while people sing
Songs of good cheer
christmas is here!
Merry, merry, merry, merry christmas!
Merry, merry, merry, merry christmas!

Love,
Paul