Cancer Sandwich

I wanted to give a brief update on my dad, as I know that many of you are eager for news on him as much as Andrew. At this point, he has been diagnosed with Epithelioid Angiosarcoma, which is extremely rare. It is located in his neck and has invaded the bone there. We have consulted with doctors at MD Anderson, City of Hope and Sloan Kettering, as well as his doctors in Lubbock, and while they are offering suggestions as to how to perhaps slow the cancer, none are offering anything curative.

Based on that, my dad has decided to forgo treatment. He seems to be making the decision with a clear mind and, I have to say, knowing my dad, this is not a surprising decision on his part. In fact, even while we were consulting with the various doctors around the country over the last couple of weeks, I suspected that he would decline their suggestions. I don't know with any certainty what the rationale behind his decision is, but I tell myself that it is based on his desire to live, not simply be alive. I assume that over the years at the hospital, he has seen too many patients that were kept alive well beyond a worthwhile existence. It comes down to quality of life and my dad recognizes when he will not have any.

As much as I can understand and even admire my dad's decision--to face this on his own terms--for its courage, I have to admit that it is extremely difficult to accept. After the past year with Andrew and all of the treatments that he has endured, the idea of not fighting is completely foreign. I do recognize that there is a difference between pediatric and adult cancer, but it is hard for me to apply that to my own dad.... But, he seems to have found his peace with this, so I must somehow find mine. Still, trying to reconcile my feelings as a father who has been taking care of his son with those of a son wanting, but not being able, to take care of his father is awkward and complicated.

We will be going out to visit my dad and my mom around the New Year's holiday. We want the kids to be able to see him and have some fun with him while he is still feeling well. Perhaps he'll gain some inspiration from Andrew--after all, he's a hell of a grandkid.... I look forward to seeing him and sitting with him and, hopefully, talking. A lot. There are suddenly so many things that I need to know from him and I am hoping that he is up to the task of sharing with me.

Paul